This work explores the complex relationship between humans and food, specifically focusing on the internal rules set by individuals to dictate the ways in which it is consumed. Food has the ability to provoke emotions in ways unique to anything else, as the enteric nervous system causes our gut to literally affect our mental state. We also have cultural associations that influence how certain foods are perceived, classifying some as indulgent. Allowing indulgence often induces feelings of all-consuming guilt. We each possess our own variation of this internal dialogue, and experience some degree of remorse associated with our perspective. This work is a reflection on the repetitive cyclical routine of avoidance, loss of control, and regret that surrounds the moment of indulgence. Many instances of living with this constant struggle are more visibly evident to others, while some are less apparent due to its internal nature. However, this can progress to a spiral of addictive and compulsive actions. An additional conflict is created when one is aware that these actions are unhealthy, yet feel as though they are unable to escape the cycle of bad habits. A desire for the comfort of overcoming this internal and physical distress is an ongoing process, as the search for contentment is not always linear. However, discovering methods to cope provides hope for recovery and freedom.
Throughout this performance, the cake serves as a central point of focus to embody the moment of indulgence. A cake is generally perceived as having positive connotations, as it is sweet and consumed on pleasant occasions. However, this pleasurable treat can adversely produce negative feelings instead. Sticks of gum reference restriction through attempted avoidance prior to the moment of indulgence, serving as a way to occupy the mouth without suffering the consequences of actual consumption. Likewise, toothbrushes symbolize the attempted compensation for the consequences that follow consumption. A reference is made to the idea of being taught lessons in early school years by having to write out “I will not ___” over and over until you have learned to stop. Icing the cake with the phrase “I will not do it again.” addresses the process of becoming aware of the mental and physical problems that these habits produce, and attempting to learn to stop. The interruption of this act throughout the performance with close up visuals of the ritualistic acts of excessive gum chewing and aggressive brushing emphasize their visceral and jarring nature. Stitched to opposing sides of the table cloth, the sticks of gum and toothbrushes are visible yet not easily attainable. This creates a tension that mirrors the feelings of resisting urges to resort back to unhealthy habits by ignoring the thoughts that linger. Taking a bite out of the word “not” in the last sentence symbolizes how this ongoing process sometimes includes falling back into bad places. However, the hole is then filled by re-icing in the word “not”, as a symbol of overcoming this cycle of guilt from pleasure.
Addi Johnson 